Instead of believing that you can make it something keeps saying you can’t because of your lack. The words of your past are constantly telling you ‘you will never be nothing, your credit is too far gone for repair, your husband left you because you’re not woman enough, God can’t use you.’ God comes to you and talks to you, but because of your baggage taking up so much space in your mind and heart that you can’t receive or conceive the word. You try to read and pray, but nothing seems to work.
That use to be me some years ago. My mind was so consumed with from my past that I felt like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. We as women hold a lot of things in ourselves and we don’t know how to release them to anyone. This makes it difficult for us when we go into prayer because we lack the trust to tell God all about our hidden issues. God is the burden barrier, the lifter upper of our hung down head. He isn’t just the source to fix immediate problems, but he is the source for all problems. He says cast your cares on me for I care for you. That means tell Him what is really in your heart. Tell him why you can’t trust or why you get so angry with others when they try to tell you what to do. God already knows that your ex was abusive and controlling and you vowed you wouldn’t ever be controlled again. God knows you were told growing up you wouldn’t be nothing, or teased for the way you looked. He just wants to hear you confess out of your mouth the things you deal with so that he can be God and begin to heal you.
I know because he done it for me! I have walked in fear my whole life because I have always been told No, or you’re not good enough, pretty enough, rich enough, or you’re too stupid. Rejection had followed me my whole life. That is till I discovered a God that listened to me tell Him all about my true feelings. No matter how I came to him in the middle of the night, in my prayer journal, crying my eyes out with snot running down my face. He listened and he began to heal me. As I confessed my baggage began to get less and less. My anger towards authority began to decrease, I didn’t feel inferior or less than. My self esteem began to rise, in God and the weight of the world was lifted off of me. My cares began to be of doing the will of God and helping other women get through times as I had in my life. Just to be close to God was and is the most rewarding things in my life. He is the best friend I have always needed in my life. I would encourage you to drop your bags off with God and begin to live your life the way He has called you too.